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LAS-IAH-SJU in Coach: Houston We Don’t Have a Problem

United LAS-SJU is part of the TPOL Won’t Visit All 50 States And That’s OK Trip Report.
I have no airline status and after flying AA ‘first’ (see AA SJU-MIA-LAS: Borracho in Business (First)), I will reaffirm that I’m fine with it. If you have status on a domestic carrier, chances are that you are flying too much for a thankless job. Chances are that you are a Hyatt Globalist staying too frequently at Hyatt Place. That is not the life. When I returned from Vegas, I found myself back in peasant class, right where I belong. In fact, I was in the last row of the plane, on a full flight, no less. a grey circle with a yellow circle and black text
a seat in an airplane
I settled in and peacefully endured the three hour flight.
While I had no luck going to Vegas, I was pleasantly surprised that my flight to Puerto Rico was almost empty. Overall In the US, unless I’m flying lie-flat, I’m fine flying coach.

Rimowa Luggage: Maybe If I’m Flying Private

I wrote a post about how Delta carelessly broke my luggage (see Delta Damaged Bag Premium Economy Flight Review) and how they remedied it by paying me $300 (see $300 Delta Damaged Luggage Payment: Fair?). In that post, one reader, Dan, wrote, “exactly the type of person who’d use a fake rimowa… not even remotely surprised.” I was so upset with this comment, I quit blogging (see April Fools).
a broken suitcase with a handle
The allegedly fake luggage.
I am proud to say that I know nothing about suitcases. I have been traveling with the same Osprey carry-on since 2009 and have only changed the backpack, which is also Osprey.
130
2009
a blue and grey backpack
2024
Real travelers do not check bags (see What to Pack: “Take 1/2 the Clothes, Twice the Money” & the revised post, What to Pack: Take 1/4 of the Clothes, 1/2 the Money). The only reason I check bags is to go on a Residency Trip (see TPOL in Madrid: Why A Second Residency?). So when Dan said what he said, I should have taken it as a compliment. Besides the Arab favorite Mary Samsonite, I know nothing about suitcases. Like my view of visas, I regarded clunky suitcases as necessary instruments used by people like my grandma to bring over spices back from Iraq. I always assumed that half the stuff in the suitcase would be broken and the other half would be confiscated ‘randomly’ by TSA (see ‘Randomly’ Screened at Tiniest AirportTraveling While Arab? Pack Your Sense of Humor). As it turns out, there is a world beyond Samsonite, a world for the distinguished traveler. Leaving Vegas, I happened to stumble upon that world in the Crystals Mall next to the Aria (see Sweet Life).  Along with the typical brands of Hermes, Gucci, and Lanvin, the mall had a Rimowa store. I had to go in and see for myself what the fuss was all about. a cars parked in front of a large buildinga store front with glass doors For $5,750, you can buy a chess attaché. Unsophisticated, I had to Google ‘attaché’ to see what it meant in the context of luggage. It is short for attaché case which is “a small, flat, rectangular case used for carrying documents.” For $4,625, you can buy a poker attaché. For $2,125, if you are Lyman Zerga, you can buy ‘a briefcase for the new generation.‘ Finally, if you want to buy the Rimowa version of the suitcase I had, you can spend $1,430. a group of luggage on display Why would anyone spend that much on a suitcase? My grandma loved her spices, but surely there are cheaper ways to ensure they are secure. I like my tennis racket which was damaged in the Delta flight, but it would be more efficient to buy a hard case for it than to spend this much on one piece of luggage. Even if I were richer than I am now, why would I put and trust such beautiful luggage in the hands of the guys with the ear muffs? Do you think they care that it is a Rimowa? Thank you Dan for reminding me that I am Saul Bloom and not some hustled sucker. Perhaps when I rob the vault at the Bellagio, I can store my cash in a Rimowa on the way to the private terminal at Harry Reid. Until then, I am sticking with my bargain brand piece of plastic from TJ Maxx.  

Aria Vegas: Sweet Life, If You Can Experience It

Aria Vegas is part of the TPOL Won’t Visit All 50 States And That’s OK Trip Report.
Why do I always receive suite upgrades when I am unable to make the most use out of them? I was in Vegas for two nights. The first night I went back to my cheap, go-to option, the Hyatt Place for 9k points (see The Hyatt Place Las Vegas Review: No Dice). Arriving at midnight, it didn’t make sense to pay or use points for an on-strip option. And, given that my conference was at the UNLV Law School, Hyatt Place was ideal for the location.a sign in front of a building The second night, I used an expiring Marriott stay cert and booked a room at the Aria. I didn’t arrive at the Aria until 8PM on a Friday. I was impressed yet disappointed that I would only have a few hours in this tower suite. Living Room a room with a table and chairs a room with a laptop and a table a room with a table and chairs a group of wood balls on a black table Bedroom The bedroom was something else. It reminded me of my view in the Ascott Thonglor, my home during my Bangkok Residency. a framed picture on a wall a bedroom with a large window a bed with a lamp and a table in a room a window with a view of a city Bathroom
What’s better than a bathroom that reminds you of home? a bathroom with a sink and a tub a shower with a tile walla group of white bottles next to a towel
a picture on the wall
Bidet toilets coming to my house soon.
Don’t Touch Anything Everything has a charge. Drink and party at your own peril. a tray with glasses and a bucket on it a group of bags of food on a tray Lounge  In addition to the suite upgrade, there is a lounge for refreshments (not alcohol) and light snacks which is accessible with the tower suite room key. a room with purple chairs and art on the wall Overall  What a beautiful room. What a nice hotel. Or so I’ve heard.a road with a large building in the background a cars parked in front of a large building a sign on a building

AA SJU-MIA-LAS: Borracho in Business (First)

AA SJU-MIA-LAS is part of the TPOL Won’t Visit All 50 States And That’s OK Trip Report.
I finally took my first ‘first’ class flight from San Juan to Vegas (see The AA ‘First Class’ Flight That I Did Not Take). The cost was 25k AA miles. Like my first business class flight on AA, I wonder if it was worth it (see MDE-MIA: My First Business Class Flight on AA, Worth It*?) Rather than write a separate review for each leg, I will commit blogger malpractice and put it all in here. Flight Delayed  At the time of booking, the only itinerary available arrived in MIA at 6:50PM and departed at 7:51PM. Any delays would cost me my connection and force me to miss my conference the next day. If this was an international connection and not an interline ticket, I would not take that chance (Cutting It Close: Will I Make My JFK-HKG Connection?). But, since it was domestic and since I was not checking bags, I assumed everything would be fine. Assumption wrong. The day of departure, I received a notification that my flight from SJU would be delayed. I immediately called AA and asked if they had other options. They said yes, but I would have to be at the gate in an hour. I hung up the phone, threw clothes in my carry-on, and hustled out the door. With no traffic, I can make it from Rio Grande to SJU in 22 minutes. While there was mild traffic, I was still making good time. Not one to text and drive, I nevertheless broke my rule to check the status of my flight. I was relieved that it was delayed by thirty minutes. I arrived at the airport in 26 minutes to find that my flight was further delayed. This gave me enough time to go to the Priority Pass Lounge (see Priority Pass Lounge San Juan: A Good Start). Sipping on a Don Q and Coke Zero, I noted that my paranoia about missing connections should be extended to include business obligations (see Travel Lessons). The thrill of making it is what makes travel fun, but here it was unnecessary. a glass with ice and a lime wedge on topa plane parked on a tarmac Leg 1: SJU-MIA If I’m flying from San Juan to Miami, I’m fine flying coach. The flight time is less than three hours. I splurged for business/first because the flight from Miami to Vegas is over five hours. Even contortionist TPOL can’t sit in coach for that long anymore (see The Kama Sutra of Airplane Sleep: Surviving a 17 Hour Flight). Here’s what you receive if you fly business from SJU-MIA: No Wi-Fi: “There should be,” is what the flight attendant said when I asked about the unavailability of Wi-Fi. The Wi-Fi never worked and the flight attendant didn’t bother following up with an update.
a close up of a grey surface
Guess I’ll stare at the wall.
Too Hot a Towel
a white towel on a metal box
This thing was scalding hot.
Decent Food  a glass of water and a can of nuts on a table
a plate of food on a table
What is the butter for?
Weird Movie Choices
a screenshot of a movie
Contagion? Really?
Inconsistent Service: Flying domestic, it feels like a sin to hit the call button. Unlike SQ where the flight attendants can sense the needs of their passengers, domestic carriers make it seem like they’re doing us a favor when they come by. Sitting in the front row, I made eye contact with the flight attendant. She impatiently said, “I’ll be there in a minute.” What could she be doing in a cabin with 16 people none of whom is asking for anything?  While waiting, a flight attendant from coach walked by. She turned off my call light and said they’d get to me when they are free. This is insanity, I thought to myself. Is the flight attendant prepping for her next flight, I wondered. And the attitude. It’s like she thinks I’m interrupting her obligation to fly the plane.
a close up of a sign and lights
Ding!
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the flight attendant came out with more vino and entertained my request for my fifth drink, a Jack and Coke Zero. On top of that, she gave me an extra pilota for my enjoyment. a drink and a can of soda Perhaps I’m the impatient one. Or, perhaps, I’m looking to fault domestic carriers because I’ve bought into the stereotype that they’re inferior. Or, perhaps, I’m guilty of ageism. I see an older flight attendant and automatically think, “Here we go.” And, perhaps, she sees another antsy passenger in ‘first’ and has the same thought. Overall I would skip business on AA from SJU to MIA and sit in the back where being ignored is expected. Intermission  I do not care for the Centurion Lounge in Miami (see Amex Centurion MIA in Cachet), but I’ll take it over the Admirals Club (see Admirals Club MIA: Under Construction) and maybe even over the Flagship Lounge when it comes to drinks (see AA Flagship Lounge MIA: Drink Your Stress Away). After multiple rounds on my last flight, the last thing I needed was more drinks. So, naturally, I had more, including this rusty nail. a glass with a drink and ice Leg 2: MIA-LAS My strategy was to drink my way through this long 5.5-hour flight. One more glass of wine should have been enough for me to pass out. What I failed to take into account was how uncomfortable AA’s business class seat is. Unlike Fiji Airways‘ amazing 737 (see Fiji Airways Nadi to Tonga: The Best Business 737 Experience), this 737 had no foot rest and the seat barely reclined. I attempted to sleep but could not. I was too far from the window to lay my head. The tray table was too close so I could not lay my head there either. Exhausted, I wanted to sleep on the floor. Uneasy, I thought maybe I could catch a few zzz’s by sleeping in the toilet. In the end, none of it worked. I was trapped. All I could feel was that rusty nail going through my skull. I learned yet another Travel Lesson: don’t drink and fly if you can’t lie flat.
a bowl of pasta and salad on a tray
First bad idea.
a cup of ice cream on a napkin
Second bad idea.
Overall  Businsess, ‘first,’ or whatever you want to call it, that was brutal. Overall, Overall  This was a miserable experience. I need to get rich and fly private. Or stay sober and sit in economy.  

TPOL Is Out of the Office

TPOL did not quit blogging. In an effort to get back to my daily schedule (TPOL Opens M-F at 9:07AM EST), I am putting up my standard out-of-the-office post. I am in Vegas until further notice (see The AA ‘First Class’ Flight That I Did Not Take). If this is an urgent matter, just wait longer.  

The AA ‘First Class’ Flight That I Did Not Take

TPOL is going to Vegas this weekend. The last time I was there was 2018. I was supposed to go after COVID in 2021, but I canceled (see No Vegas for TPOL). For this trip, I was supposed to leave from Medellin to Miami to LAS for 30k AA miles. Interestingly, the flight from MDE to MIA was in business, and the flight from MIA to LAS was in first. a screenshot of a flight schedule What I wanted to see was the difference between ‘business’ in a 737 and ‘first’ in a 737. Neither, according to Seatguru, are lie flat. Unfortunately, I had to cancel this trip and will now be flying in business from San Juan to MIA to LAS, both in 737 ‘business,’ oddly enough. An executive platinum friend says that there is no difference between first and business on AA 737s. He claims it’s just an excuse to charge more. Ever the optimist, I said there must be something better about flying ‘first.’ Perhaps they offer more cookies. What do you have to say?

Simply The Best: March 2024

Were you one of the fools who thought TPOL was done blogging? (see I Quit Blogging). It’s been ten years of blogging (see TPOL Is Ten And #MasterOfWon) and, for some reason, I still receive unsolicited advice on how to write my blog or how I am supposed to travel. It’s been ten years and somehow I can’t resist the urge to engage with the fools. But this is a post about the highlights from March 2024, so I’ll keep it positive by revealing the best. Here they are:
  1. Baghdad, Iraq: Day 1
a sculpture of two crossed bones
It was an indescribable feeling to walk around Baghdad. The personal history, the media’s portrayal, and what it is now all came together and left me speechless.
2. Guns & Butter: Tonga Travel Guide
a blue ocean with waves
Tonga was a wild experience.
3. Tonga Cave Diving, Jumping & Gimping
a cave with water and rocks
Don’t stop the recklessness. That was my theme when I was in Tonga. First, I went swimming with whales. Then I thought I would push my luck by checking out an underground cave full of fresh water.
4. $300 Delta Damaged Luggage Payment: Fair?
a broken suitcase with a handle
I accepted the $300 and can’t say I am too upset about it. What do you think?
5. Tonga to Fiji: Not The Same Business
a plane on the tarmac at night
12,500 and the out-of-pocket cost was still a great value, $28 vs. $466, but the hard product was not as lavish.
6. Travel Lesson: Leave the Duty-Free Wine Behind
a man sleeping on a couch in an airport
If I had no checked luggage, I could have proceeded through the faster transfer line.
7. This Is TPOL BREAKING NEWS: Ladyboy Fight in Bangkok
a group of women in garments outside a bar
In the ultimate, big dick competition, “Officers were called on Monday night when more than 100 local sex workers converged on a hotel being used by sex workers from the Philippines on the city’s Sukhumvit Road, part of a sprawling area of gogo bars, street workers, and massage parlors.

I Quit Blogging

I have spent ten years blogging (see TPOL Is Ten And #MasterOfWon). During that time, I have endured critical comments from many readers (see Happy Festivus! Airing of Points Grievances). Last week was the tipping point. After spending hours writing Baghdad, Iraq: Day 1 which no one read, I published Fiji Airways: Nadi to Samoa in Coach$300 Delta Damaged Luggage Payment: Fair?. The comments were demoralizing. Regarding the Fiji post, one reader wrote, “Service? Comfort? I came here from Boarding Area where this looked like a relevant review…” I was heartbroken that the reader did not find my post to be up to standard. Another comment from a reader, “Sometime I genuinely am concerned for your welfare.” He noted, “I wouldn’t live my life the way he does.” This comment shook me to the core. Maybe I am a bumbling fool. Maybe I shouldn’t continue to embark on adventures with reckless abandonment. If those comments weren’t bad enough, the comments regarding my damaged bag killed my spirit. “Exactly the type of person who’d use a fake rimowa… not even remotely surprised.” “You solicit your reader for input and respond with such derision as ‘the person who doesn’t travel that comments and hides in the basement.’ Insulting, to say the least. Do better.” Unfortunately, I can’t ‘do better.’ I am who I am and write the way I do. But rather than subject myself to further criticism and rather than insult the discerning readers who come to my site, I have decided to quit blogging effectively immediately.
a man in a car
Sad to see me go?
April Fools! If you don’t like my blog, you can, in the words of Gordon Ramsay…

$300 Delta Damaged Luggage Payment: Fair?

My first stop on the Bula! Fiji Hub Trip Report was Michigan. I flew Delta Premium Economy. While the Wi-Fi was good, I was not impressed with how they handled my luggage (see Delta Damaged Bag Premium Economy Flight Review). a broken suitcase with a handle I submitted a claim to Delta and months later they offered me $300. I tried to negotiate for more because my tennis racket was damaged. I sent them a receipt for its repair. Since I did not have a photo of it damaged, they rejected my claim. Ultimately, I accepted the $300 and can’t say I am too upset about it. What do you think?

Fiji Airways: Nadi to Samoa in Coach

Nadi to Samoa is part of the Bula! Fiji Hub Trip Report.
The business class party on Fiji Airways is over. It started in Vancouver (see Bula! Fiji Airways Vancouver to Nadi Flight Review) and went to and from Tonga (see Fiji Airways Nadi to Tonga: The Best Business 737 ExperienceTonga to Fiji: Not The Same Business). Flying to Samoa in economy was tolerable for two reasons: 1. It was only 21,500 Avios points instead of $739 one way (see Bus-Ted: Bula! Fiji Hub Points & Cash Summary). 2. The flight is only 1 hr and 55 minutes. a group of people sitting in an airplane